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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their bond?